3 True Short Stories

"I Don't Care What Ya Think, Just Stay Away From Them Snakes!"

That was just one piece of advice that I probably won't forget from the retired Army Spec. Forces instructor who taught our Land Survival Class on Monday. Among other gems was one that came from a Navy Chief who taught us how to make a "Squirrel Pole" or a long pole covered in wire snares that, according to this Chief, had at one point, "cleared out my backyard of squirrels in under an hour... that's right under an hour." He also told us that like snakes, they too taste like chicken.

We then watched a video that was made during the height of the Vietnam War, but we were told that "times change but these methods, methods of survival out there, just don't change." It was great, it was just what you'd expect out of a 1960s military instructional video. There was the music, overly cheery, non-synthesized and played by a small orchestra. Then there was the narrator, authoritative, calm and very clear spoken... probably the same guy that did the "Duck and Cover" videos some of you may remember from your childhood. Finally the host was a silent but clearly contented-looking Navy 2nd Class Petty Officer in full camouflage. Without so much as a grimace he went from Cat-Tail plant to Prickly Pear to Bamboo stand eating the "New Basil Growth," burning the spines and drinking the trapped water. I was inspired to know that should I find myself on the ground, in the wilderness and without an airplane I, with sense of calm seen only in this video's host and most Hindu cows, can eat pretty much anything green.

"How to Breathe at 25,000 Feet"

Today I went to a pressure altitude of 25,000 feet without leaving the ground. At this point in API we are done with all serious academics and have moved on to the Survival portion of the curriculum. This entails not only learning what to eat and what not to eat on the ground but also first aid, CPR, (more) water survival, parachute training and even some things to help us avoid using said parachute.

The pressure chamber training is one example of this. It is a big steel heavily reinforced box that into which we go and out of which they take all the air. As another Tornado approached Pensacola yesterday morning, an instructor told us that should the Tornado Alarm (yes, they have one) go off, we all need to head into the decompression chamber because "it'd stop everythin' short of a nukuler bomb"

Today we used it to simulate flying at high altitudes in an unpressurized aircraft both with and without oxygen. We all filed into the room surrounding the chamber, were issued a helmet and oxygen mask and given a seat number in the chamber. We got in, sat down, hooked up and started our "chamber flight."

They took us up to 5,000' and back down to check to see if our ears could take the pressure differentials and after a brief rest, we ascended to 25,000' at 5,000 ft/min. We had the masks on as we went up and did the thing that we all do on airplanes, chew, swallow and yawn to equalize the pressure. With the 100% O2 in my mask I felt no difference from sea level and felt ready to tackle the Himalayas.

Then it came time to take the masks off and play "Pensacola Patty-cake." This entailed taking the O2 mask off turning to the person next to us and playing a game of patting our helmet, clapping once and then clapping our partners hands and repeating.

It seems pretty silly, and it was, but there was a serious point to it. The half of the room opposite me did the exercise while we watched for them to develop signs of hypoxia, or low levels of oxygen in their blood (bad). It didn't take long at all, everyone started out fine, but within a minute people were already messing up at this simple game by the end of 5 minutes everyone had already realized the danger and gone back on oxygen or had been told to do so by the observers. One of the guys who'd lasted the longest sat across from me. An observer put a blood oxygen saturation device on his finger right before he went back on O2. He had 60% of the normal amount of oxygen circulating in his blood.

When it was my turn I remember feeling tingling in my fingers within about 5 breaths of taking off my mask. It was a weird sensation because I was breathing normally but not feeling like I was getting enough air in. I lasted in the game for over a minute and a half and then they changed the sequence (over the intercom). I remember trying to keep up with the rule change but messing up comically, at which time I felt something like a wave of confusion and I knew that I had to go back on oxygen.

It was a lot of fun and they took videos of everyone in the chamber so that we could watch it back in the classroom during the time it took for our bodies to re-adjust to sea level atmosphere. The look of frustrated confusion on my face when they changed the rules of the game was pretty priceless.... it was just as good as watching the guy who was given a pre-schooler's game, the one with the big shape with holes and blocks. You had to put the right shaped block into the hole on the big shape. It seems easy, but he just couldn't do it.... which was the point, if you can mess up that simple game, try flying a plane like that.

"They call it the 'Spin and Puke'"

In a Magical Kingdom in the far off land of Tampa in a time long long ago known as "The 70s" a number of Navy physiologists and Disney "Imagineers" got together and designed a fantastical device they named the "Multi-Spatial Disorientation Demonstrator." It's the "Spin and Puke" or a re-engineered and much more complex version of the spinning teacup ride.

It's a contraption with 10 soda can-like capsules forming a ring attached to each other and an axel like spokes on a wheel. Each capsule is capable of spinning independently of the whole system.

The idea is that you get inside a capsule, strap in, tuck a puke-bag into your undershirt like you're going to a clambake, close the door and then look at a sparse displace of blinking LED lights and numbers that will flash in accordance with instructions given through a voice headset.

While spinning this is all you see:

The voice also prompts you to indicate which direction you think you're going or turning via a number of buttons labelled "left turn" "right turn" and "no turn." It sounds pretty easy except that you're in total darkness and you're spinning and rotating in seemingly random directions with almost no visual stimuli to tell you which direction that actually is.

None of us actually puked but it lived up to it's proper name and was very disorientating. It made you think that it was moving up and down that it was leaning to the left and right. I thought at a number of times that I was spinning one direction when I was standing still and that I was standing still when I was definitely spinning. Then, in true Disney style, a not seen-before panel opened up and I could see outside, except that on the wall there were projections which moved in such a way to further disorientate me.

It was pretty awful, but I'd definitely do it again... it was a lot of fun and really challenging. You couldn't predict what was going to happen, one second you'd be against one wall and the next you'd think you were standing still then suddenly you'd be against the seat back. During all of this the voice was accompanied by the sweet rockin' tones of the 70s. I think I remember hearing "The Boys are Back" by .38 special (was it?).

It's funny, the only conclusion that you can come to from these exercises is that man evolved to do a lot of things... swim, eat bananas, communicate or see in the dark but Man wasn't exactly designed to fly planes... However, now that I know this and what to expect from my limited body, I think I'll give it a go anyways.